Wednesday, 25 May 2011

Daily Journal Writing by Paton

We are learning how to include hyperbole and metaphor's in our writing.

My story is more like a thriller but it is a cool story I would like to get your opinions on whether I should carry on with it or leave it as a cliff hanger so here it is.

When I was little I used to play in my garden and I always felt a big lump the size of an elephant. I never knew what was until it I asked my parents so many times that I think that they got mad because I asked so often but there was never an answer. So one day I went out into my garden and started digging. As I got closer to whatever it was, it seemed to get colder and at one point it was so cold like the Antarctic ocean. Then all of a sudden there was a big bang. I had hit something. Something hard and wooden. The wood seemed to be fossilized. I opened it and inside was white cloth. It was like snow. I removed it and to my astonishment there lay a person missing half their skin. I tried to scream but nothing came out. I thought to myself shall I run away or shall I carry on? Then I saw something twinkling at me like a star.
By Paton


  1. I really like your descriptive language. It told me everyone I needed to know to imagine your story.

  2. I generally like stories with endings but I must admit, I like this one the way it is! Leaving us with the image of a twinkling star makes me wonder if the person has opened their eye and is somehow looking back at me - creepy! Well done, Paton. Are you happy with your story? You might like to try adding a reflective comment to this post to let us know your own thoughts?

  3. Very good Paton. That sent a shiver down my spine! I look forward to reading more of your stories. Gramps


Note: only a member of this blog may post a comment.