Thursday, 16 June 2011

What Buddies! (A Message In Time)

Today in LH3 some of our fabulous learners wrote a Message in Time based on this photo.  

They were set the challenge of writing a short, sharp and appealing piece of writing that included metaphor and personification.

Comforting a Beast by Craig

I ran across the room being chased by a dark brown beast.  It was a speeding car.  I had looked back, the monster was crying hard.  Tears rolled down its light brown cheeks.  I felt like a hero of all cats nursing the beast back to full health.
One year later humans with cameras took photos of me and my friend the monster sleeping together.  Whats wrong with that picture?

Reflection: I think I did really well with my writing, I am very proud of my writing. It includes my favourite animal the cat, a metaphor and a personification.  My next step will be to use all the figurative language to write a even better text.  It will be better because it will have more description and more sense.     

Attacker to Comforter By Fatima

As the toy frowned helplessly with half it's body in a drooling, vampire-toothed mouth, I growled at the at the big, brown attacker walking with deep scratches on his four legs like tattoos.  I looked down to see the floor bleeding but the red blood came from my own leg.  The lumbering dog came over and held me tight not caring about the river of blood he sat on on to comfort me.  My heart overflowed with guilt from attacking him.  I relaxed under his warm, blanket not daring to break the special momment.   

Reflection: I am really proud of my strong piece of writing because I can see I have come a long way since the start of the year.  I think I improved on metaphors but I still would like to get better at it.  I am getting better at similes, personifications etc. Though I still would like to get better at metaphors.

My Learning about Metaphors by Damien P.    

 I learnt about simile and metaphors but metaphor is a bit confusing and then Miss Holland teach me about metaphor and then I finally know how to use metaphor like this :

This is a simile : I am hungry like a hungry lion. The simile is the word 'like'.

This is a metaphor : The cat is under the ear.  The cat is under the blanket.
This is the metaphor because I changed the ear into a blanket and that was the things I learned today and it took me one week to learn it but now I understand!

I feel happy and excited because I finally learnt metaphors.  I was doing lots of thinking and I was determined.

The Best of Friends by Dani

The cat ran like a cheetah in the rain away from the angry dog.  As it skid around the corner, it made a mistake.  CRASH!  The cat ran into the door.  The dog suddenly felt bad.

One month later...

The dog smiled as the cat snuggled under his warm blanket.  They both lay hugging each other near the growing fire.  Such great friends.

Reflection:   When I first started this work I did a factual version of what we had to write about  but I found  it hard to do it that way because I found It hard to fit in some metaphors and personification.  So I started a story version. The first paragraph of my story I didn't like as much as the second paragraph of my story because the second paragraph has lots more figurative language in it.  So I worked with Miss Holland and we talked about what might make it more interesting.  I made some of the short sentences longer and added an adjective (which is a describing word) and made it better.  I am really proud of my story because It really puts a picture in my mind (and hopefully yours!) and I'm really proud with the process that i have been through.  My next step would be to space out my figurative language more and not just put it in just one paragraph. 

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