Thursday, 7 November 2013

Daniel's Persuasive Writing

SC
Sentence Structure
Conclusion
Facts
Punctuation
The Structure of the debate

Topic:
Should kids have consoles?

Lots of kids has consoles like Xbox 360 and PS3 and some of them don’t because consoles and games cost a lot of money,Here are some example of the prices.
A PS3 cost around about $329-12GB, $499- 500GB





an Xbox 360 cost around about $379-250GB and 4GB is for $269 to $299.
Both of these consoles cost a lot of money, If I would get these consoles It would take a very very long time to get it. Some. Some kids buys R16 and R18 games which they are not allowed to get. Sometimes their parents buy it for them so the salesman gives it to their parents and the kids could play inappropriate games like Call Of Duties and Horror Games.

So I think Kids have consoles but no R16 and R18 games.




Daniel

6 comments:

  1. Hi Daniel
    Nice writing Daniel I like how you used facts for eg. 12 GB Cost $329 and 269 or 299.
    So nice work on that. I think you need to improve on your conclusion I bet more because you have just end like.(I think kids have consoles but no R16 and R18 games.) So you should modify it a bet.

    Miduran

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  2. I agree with miduran i think you need to imporove your conclusion because at the end it gets short and you need to add more things. Your punctuation is great you have all the corret captils in the right places

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  3. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  4. I agree with Miduran and Macklin i think you need to imporove your conclusion because at the end it gets short and you need to add more things.

    I like how you put some pics up some examples and how you put in paragraphs.
    great job

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  5. Your punctuation was great because you used full-stops, capital letters, commas and question marks. You actually do need to improve on your punctuation a bit because sometimes you put capital letters where they mustn't be, "for example" (, If I would get these consoles It would take a very very long time to get it.)

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  6. I like your story and you put in how much it cost and that.
    But you need to work on your Punctuation and you Vocab because there is no strong.

    ReplyDelete

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